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Proper Procedures for Replacing Light Bulbs Rates Category 1-12
| TMPS 955.16/e |
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Note: This mandate replaces mandate TMPS941.16/e 'Number of Clones Needed to Replace a Light Bulb (Non-Joke Version).' Please update your records accordingly. |
Section 1: Non-Power Services Personnel - Under no circumstances should citizens who are not employed by a Power Services licensed firm attempt to remove and replace any light bulb rated Category 1-12 inclusive. They are not trained in bulb removal and may injure themselves. Power Services cannot be held responsible for damages due to untrained citizens who wouldn't know a battery from a fission reactor trying to replace a light bulb.
- 1.1: Exception - However, citizens with a currently valid form PS7602-EE/10 'Temporary Power Services Light Bulb Removal and Replacement Certification' may proceed with a removal/replacement operation for light bulbs rated Category 2-8 inclusive.
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| Section 2: Electromagnetic Emergency Response Team - The ranking Power Services citizen on the scene shall create an Electromagnetic Emergency Response Team (EMERT) as defined below. If two or more Power Services citizens are present, the citizen with the highest clearance and/or seniority will be responsible for creating an EMERT. If they are of equal clearance and seniority, then a non-Power Services citizen will hold a Power Services trivia contest and the winner shall take control of the EMERT.
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Section 3: EMERT Roles - An EMERT shall have the following roles:
- Team Leader (Leader)
- Bulb Status Officer (BSOff)
- Bulb Requisition Officer (BRO1)
- Bulb Acquisition Officer (BAOff)
- Power Shutdown Officer (PSOff)
- Grounding Officer (GOff)
- Bulb Removal Officer (BRO2)
- Bulb Disposal Officer (BDOff)
- Bulb Replacement Officer (BRO3)
- Power Restart Officer (PRO1)
- Glow Verification Officer (GVOff)
- Crowd Dispersal Officer (CDOff)
- Public Relations Officer (PRO2)
- Safety Monitor (S&M)
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Section 4: Creating an EMERT - The ranking Power Services citizen on the scene shall be designated the Team Leader for the EMERT. This leader shall have the authority to volunteer other citizens to fill out the other roles in the EMERT as described below.
- 4.1: INFRARED and RED citizens - These may be volunteered into an EMERT at will. There is no need to check with their supervisor(s), as most will probably be thankful you got the citizen(s) out of their hair for a little while.
- 4.2: ORANGE and YELLOW citizens - These may be volunteered into an EMERT only if a Human Resource Co-opt Agreement is signed by that citizen's supervisor(s) and counter-signed by a Power Services citizen of YELLOW clearance or higher.
- 4.3: GREEN and higher citizens - These citizens may not be volunteered into an EMERT, but you probably already figured that out.
- 4.4: Troubleshooters - Regardless of security clearance, Troubleshooters may be exempt from being volunteered if they can prove their mission is at a critical juncture as per TMTT731.99/a 'Waiver of Duties Due To Troubleshooter Responsibilities.' Troubleshooters without a waiver should be drafted as soon as possible.
- 4.5: Service service time cards - All volunteers shall receive a Service Service Time Card signed by the EMERT's Team Leader, notarized by the EMERT's Public Relations Officer, and stamped by The Computer at any public terminal or confession booth. Copies of the Service Service Time Card can be downloaded at http://RED.serviceservices.pow.ggt/servservtimecard.dxrtml.
- 4.6: Time Card Liability - Any citizen who does not take responsibility for their own lives to ask for a time card will not be credited for hours/days worked. We can only hold their hands for so long.
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Section 5: Bulb Replacement Procedures - The following procedures must be followed in order. If any procedures are skipped or halted, the EMERT must begin again at the first. Team Leaders are authorized to take any steps necessary to enforce them, up to but not including damage to Power Services property.
- 5.1: Role Verification - The Team Leader shall verify that all EMERT roles have been filled with competent volunteers of YELLOW clearance or lower. Competency shall be defined as being alive with working hands and eyes. During the rest of the process, the Leader shall monitor and offer helpful guidance to all other EMERT volunteers, especially at difficult moments. People love helpful opinions when they're doing something difficult.
- 5.2: Public Relations - During this entire process, the Public Relations Officer shall stop any citizens who are passing by and invite them to watch Power Services in action. The PROff may also disburse Power Services informational pamphlets, available for download at http://RED.powerpowow.pow.des/downloads.dxrtml.
- 5.3: Crowd Dispersal - The Crowd Dispersal Officer shall begin monitoring for crowds of five or more citizens that are not part of authorized Power Services activities. The CDOff may disperse crowds for their own safety with minimal force.
- 5.4: Bulb Integrity - The Glow Verification Officer shall ensure that the bulb is not emitting any electromagnetic radiation at any wavelength. If the GVOff determines there is some emission, the citizen who reported a broken bulb will be fined as per mandate PMPS 462.73/f 'Fines for Lost Time Due To Stupid Claims (Power Services)'. If the GVOff determines there is no emission, the EMERT may proceed.
- 5.5: Power Shutdown - The Power Shutdown Officer shall find the appropriate switch, socket, circuit, or battery and cut power to the suspect bulb. If the correct switch, socket, circuit, or battery is unknown, then the PSOff shall follow the 'Trial and Error' method as described under mandate TMPS 664.38/b 'Suspension of Licking Batteries and Sticking Forks Into Sockets.'
- 5.6: Removal - The Bulb Removal Officer shall use a field grommet to remove the bulb. Once removed, the BRO2 shall carefully transfer the bulb to the Bulb Status Officer. If no field grommet is available, the BRO2 shall order one from any Power Services firm's netsite or C-Bay listing. Any BRO2 who claims there is no such thing as a field grommet shall be punished to the fullest extent of the mandates.
- 5.7: Status Verification - The Bulb Status Officer shall use a Power Services voltmeter to check the status of the bulb. If the bulb is not damaged, then the BSOff shall place a 'PS Wire Check Needed' sticker on the bulb and hand it to the Bulb Replacement Officer. The BRO3 shall then put the bulb back in its socket and the EMERT is disbanded. However, if the bulb is indeed damaged, the BSOff shall carefully hand the bulb over to the Bulb Disposal Officer. Any BSOff who claims they cannot use a voltmeter to check a bulb's status shall be punished to the fullest extent of the mandates.
- 5.8: Disposal - The Bulb Disposal Officer shall copy down the SKU number of the damaged bulb and then dispose of the bulb in the nearest recycling bin designated for glass and glass objects. If the BDOff disposes of the bulb before copying down the SKU, the Leader shall stuff the BDOff in that same recycling bin until the BDOff find the bulb in question.
- 5.9: Requisitions - The Bulb Requisition Officer shall use the SKU number copied by the BDOff to order a replacement bulb via any Power Services firm's netsite or C-Bay listing. Delivery surcharges for two-hour delivery can be reimbursed. Visit http://RED.reimbursement.pow.kpt/wheresyourreceipt.dxrtml to download a reimbursement form.
- 5.10: Acquisitions - The Bulb Acquisition Officer shall sign for the new bulb when it arrives, inspect the package for damage, and remove the bulb from its safety packaging. The BAOff shall then carefully hand the bulb to the Bulb Replacement Officer. If the safety packaging was a sheet with all those little bubbles in them, the BAOff may pop the bubbles until his heart's content.
- 5.11: Grounding - Before any attempt is made to replace the bulb, the Grounding Officer shall make sure the BRO3 and all other members of the EMERT are properly grounded to reduce possible damage to property and people. Grounding equipment can include but is not limited to: wires, cutlery, lightning rods, little pieces of string, and B3.
- 5.12: Replacement - Once everyone is properly grounded, the Bulb Replacement Officer shall screw the bulb back into its original socket. If the bulb does not fit, the BRO1 and the BAOff must re-examine the replacement bulb to verify it is the correct bulb. If it is not the correct bulb, the BRO1 and the BAOff shall be fined as per mandate PMPS 462.85/c 'Fines for Lost Time Due To Incompetency Bordering On Treason (Power Services)' and the EMERT must return to 5.1 to begin again.
- 5.13: Power Restart - If the bulb fits, the Power Restart Officer shall restart power to the bulb by utilizing the appropriate switch, socket, circuit, or battery as indicated by the PSOff. If the PROff notices sparks, electrical arcs, or anything with 'arc' at the end coming from the new bulb, the PROff shall immediately notify the PSOff, who can shutdown power until the situation is resolved.
- 5.14: Replacement Bulb Integrity - The Glow Verification Officer shall certify that the replacement bulb is receiving power and is emitting the proper wavelength of electromagnetic radiation. If there is no emission of radiation, the PRO will double-verify that power is flowing to the replacement bulb. If power is not the issue, then the BSO, the BRO2, and the BRO3 shall wrestle to see who's fault it is. In case of a draw, the EMERT should blame the delivery firm who brought the replacement bulb.
- 5.15: Safety - During this entire process, the Safety Monitor shall have authority to stop any and all EMERT activities. However, the S&M must explain his reason(s) by detailing, in writing, violations to any safety mandates by any service group. If differences of opinion arise over the S&M's findings, the Leader shall make the final decision.
- 5.16: Completion - Once the replacement bulb has been lit and everything is working, the Team Leader shall thank the volunteers for their time and ask them to return to their normal duties. The Leader can then resume his normal duties as well.
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| Section 6: Seriousness - At no point may any EMERT volunteer, or any Power Services citizen, make a negative comment on the number of citizens utilized to replace a damaged light bulb. More than 2,000 citizens die each yearcycle due to faulty bulb replacement; this mandate is projected to lower that number by 35%. |
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Complex Initiatives CPU