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INDIGOs To Improve Creche Education
ANN2 Newswire - INDIGO citizens from every service group unveiled a new plan to revitalize creche education programs at the opening of the Alpha Complex Education Symposium and Trade Show, saying only drastic change will keep millions of Junior Citizens from the seductive lure of Communism.
"Junior Citizens are extremely vulnerable to Commie propaganda because their minds are weak and unformed," said Tamara-I-FYT-5, acting HPD&MC Vice-President of Citizen Outreach Programs. "It is our duty to make sure we reach those weak minds first. We need to tell them what they like, want, and need before they start deciding that on their own."
Once Junior Citizens leave the creche, 24% must take at least one remedial loyalty course to master what they should have learned in the creche, IntSec figures show. Thomas-I-CCD-3, the Overcommander of IntSec Early Treason Detection Programs, said the most reliable predictor of loyalty in citizen is their exposure to challenging loyalty-generation courses during their stay in a creche.
"This is an issue that concerns us all," Thomas-I said, "and HPD&MC should keep aware that all service groups will be involved in this, not just themselves."
The INDIGO citizens say they want to leave the symposium with specific plans for enacting policy through service firms. Likely to be included in these plans is Put Your Pencils Down, a licensed HPD&MC firm, who has advocated programming teachbots with more rigorous lessons and tests for yearcycles.
Another firm, the Sector Teachbot Association R&D, will likely be disbanded after it was proved without a doubt that they are the cause of the current crisis. The firm's leaders have already been brainscrubbed as a message to other firms involved with Junior Citizen education.
We should all pause to reflect upon the wonder and glory due to all those who help Junior Citizens avoid treason. Have you done your part?
PDC Security Fix Released
Securit-E-Blanket, an Internal Security licensed firm, released 26 security fixes today for the Series 1300 PDC and urged all citizens to install them quickly to prevent traitors from hijacking their Personal Digital Companions.
Fifteen of the fixes were marked "critical," six were marked "super-critical", three were marked "really super critical honestly," and one was marked "for the love of FC install this now."
The software fixes close vulnerabilities in PDC operating system and mandatory optional software bundles, including the Spelunker Plus net browser, PLCOnline instant messaging program and HappySmileDanceNow! media player.
"This monthcycle had more security updates than we had intended," conceded Jill-G-BGJ-4, a digital security specialist for IntSec. "Traitors never stop, and neither do we. These latest updates fix all problems and render the traitors helpless."
When a YELLOW reporter asked about her predecesor, Jill-G-BGJ-3, being arrested for membership in the Computer Phreak society, Jill-G-BGJ-4 placed the reporter under probation and demoted him to RED.
A PDC may have been hijaked by traitors if it displays any of the following signs: repeated beeping, unusual crashes, power cycling, autodialing ULTRAVIOLETs, or filesharing.
Citizens are urged to visit http://RED.securiteblanket.ins.eds/oops and install all of the updates. They are also reminded that they are liable for any nefarious acts connected to their PDC if the fixes are not installed.
Thankfully, we live in a utopia where hard-working Internal Security agents are always there to serve and protect.
CICPU Looks To Citizens For Slogan
ANN News Wire, CRR Sector - Central Processing Unit's famed service firm Complex Initiatives CPU is turning to the citizens of Alpha Complex for help in designing a new slogan.
"Mandates are all about the people," said Boris-B-VIE-7, the Vice-Overlord of Public Relations at CICPU. "So we thought, why not turn over our slogan to the people? Um, that doesn't sound Communistic to you, does it?"
The current slogan is, 'For A More Efficient Complex,' and is considered by CPU to be out of date with CICPU's new mission. Previously, CICPU's only task was to publish new mandates on AlphaNet. With the untimely demolition of the offices of rival firm Project Initiatives CPU, CICPU has taken on new responsibilities.
"The loss of the entire PICPU files, records, and staff to a perfectly normal and unsuspicious power overload was tragic," Boris-B said. "However, CICPU was happy to pick up the extra work to continue serving The Computer. Now we want a new slogan to go along with our new budget. Mission, I mean. Our new mission."
Citizens of all clearances are urged to visit the CICPU netsite and submit a new slogan. With the help of loyal citizens like you, this service firm is sure to be successful for yearcycles to come.
HPD&MC begins new motivational poster campaign
ANN News Wire, LDF Sector - Housing, Preservation and Development & Mind Control has created a series of posters to drive their new INFRARED motivational campaign, "Work Harder, Not Smarter."
"We've wanted to do this INFRARED campaign for some time," said Norma-G-SEY-3, the head of HPD&MC's firm Motivated Motivators MC. "Finally, our former-supervisor was revealed as the traitor he was and we could get past his incompetence and traitorous budget allocations."
The goal of the campaign is to remind our INFRARED citizens that hard work is the most important contribution to the workplace.
"Let those in charge do the thinking," Norma-G explained. "That's why they're high clearance! It's their job to think, and it's your job to work."
To view one of the posters, click here. With work like this, Alpha Complex industrial output will surely meet or exceed last year's goals.
Traitorous Sinkhole Swallows Corridor TTD-3300[ped]
A heavily-travelled pedestrian walkway suffered an attack by a treasonous sinkhole a few hours ago, according to scattered PDC transmissions and official CPU reports.
Initial reports placed the casualties at over 1,000 but this was an error. Due to masterful corridor design and teamwork from nearby citizens, only three people died with another twelve citizens missing but presumed traitorous.
"The only way for a safe, well-constructed corridor to buckle like this either by Communist rust viruses or some kind of weird mutant power," said IntSec agent Nancy-G-DWY. "Rest assured, the corridor is already fixed and pedestrian traffic has resumed to normal."
We should all be thankful that The Computer ensures a perfect amount of care and effort goes into the construction of all hallways and corridors.
^ TopLatest News
Tella-O-MLY's new sitcom, What's The Matter With Him?, premiered last Fiveday to critical acclaim.
IntSec reports there was no riot yesterday in the DSA Sector cafeterias, especially not over running out of Cold Fun.
Scrubots rejoiced at the opening of the SSE Sector cleaning fluid refilling station.
Vince-R-PPD-6 was terminated after a teammate showed Vince-R was the Cold Fun Bandit afterall.
Vince-R-PPD-6 uncovered evidence that his previous clone was not the Cold Fun Bandit.
The traitor responsible for the Skin Core Sampler Type 6.5 was arrested. Citizens are ordered to relax now.
Paul-Y-DHF-2 was terminated for failure to use a salad fork correctly.
Vince-R-PPD-5 was arrested after confessing to being the Cold Fun Bandit.
Head of Waterworks TS uncovered as mutant; plans to poison water supply thwarted.
Vince-R-PPD-5 received the Savior of the Complex award for his role in stopping the Cold Fun Bandit.
^ TopService Firms
CruncheeTym reports a 14% increase in edible jumpsuit sales over the past quarter.
Loyal citizens in a Halleluah Cakes factory resisted Commie efforts to unionize. The traitor who tried to stir up trouble was tossed in a nearby class 9 batter mixer.
IntSec has opened an accounting investigation into Credit Laundering LLC.
Happy Homecoming IS will open seven new Automated Euthanasia Centers over the next two monthcycles to meet increased demand.
Joyful Biometrics IS introduced a new, less painful version of its popular Smile Gauge.
Whistleblower Punishers reported 31% decrease in voluntary product recalls since its inception.
Safe Stuff PLC reported lower-than-expected casualties from its Triple-Check Inventory Dance and Potluck.
GooBeGone discovered new form of off-white goo; named 'Liquid I-VRY' in honor of firm founder Heather-I-VRY.
^ TopSports
LKP Sector Funball Team #3294 agrees to test a new funball that only responds to proper hygiene.
Laura-O-WWR-2 is traded to Funball Team #1183 for three clones to be named at a later date.
GDS Sector has temporarily closed its new Rubberball bouncing court until the walls can be cleansed from last weekcycle's unfortunate incident.
Loud'n'Proud glee clubs enter deal with HPD&MC to field test new happiness hymns.
GDS Sector is enjoying its new Rubberball bouncing court. The seven-square court is especially popular.
Funball star Rex-G-SMN-3 arrested on suspicion of avoiding steroids.
Kevin-B-ROS-3 won the HTF Warehouse Invitational Powergolf tournament.
The 5th Annual FunFoods PLC Vat Relay Swim Meet was cancelled due to Commie sabotage of vat fluid levels.
^ TopEntertainment
Keira-B-LKL-6 unveiles her new line of jumpsuits with lower-clearance trim which is sure to be a new fasion trend.
Tella-O-MLY only won 17 awards at the 134th Annual HPD&MC Vidscreen Awards, prompting an immediate investigation.
Signed copies of 'Let's Be Honest Here - Muties Stink!' by Phillip-B-DRT-5 are available at your local TextFile Barn.
Tella-O-MLY received a record 39 nominations for the upcoming 134th Annual HPD&MC Vidscreen Awards.
That Show Trial Show spinoff announced - That Show About That Show Trial Show.
UNotME begins concert tour with only seven fatalities at their first show.
Tella-O-MLY denies staring in the upcoming vidfile, Outdoors 5: Return to Camp Killimall.
Manny-O, beloved sidekick from Treason Trappers, to undergo surgery for decapitated head.
^ TopLoyalty
Be sure to remind Bobby-PLG to finish every can of Bouncy Bubble Beverage. He let half a can go to waste last weekcycle!
Please stop hitting Ronald-R-CCC-2. He is no longer under public censure for striking a bot.
Adam-Y-CVM-2 is currently under censure for filesharing. Send him a cmail and remind him how filesharing hurts everyone.
Citizen Gina-GGT-1 cut her commute by 13 minutes. She will receive a bonus 13 minutes of PLC warehouse distribution duty.
Router software upgrades to the transbot grid continue on track. This will eventually improve on-time arrivals by 40%.
Jay-DRF-1 won the DRF Sector HotFun Eating Contest #112. Jay-DRF-2 accepted the trophy.
Expect temporary transbot delays due to router software upgrades. This will eventually improve on-time arrivals by 20%.
Security camera lag down 37% thanks to hard-working citizens from Eye-Spy service firm.
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