If you are one of our new friends, then welcome! Please remember the following rules:

1. If you tell anyone about this netsite, we will find you and we will terminate you.
2. If you are a mutant, we will find you and we will terminate you.
3. If you are friends with a mutant, we will find you and we will terminate you.
4. If you fail in an assignment to terminate a filthy mutie, we will find you and we will terminate you.

Yes, even YOU can help put an end the Mutant Conspiracy against all humanity. Here are some tips for doing your part:

• Never, ever do anything for a registered mutant. It's all part of their secret agenda to take over all of Alpha Complex.
• Buy a very strong funball bat.
• Listen to other people's conversations for hints about their mutant powers.
• Look for objects that may have moved by 'themselves.'
• If you feel a sudden chill, hot flash, or weird feeling, look for anyone who was looking at you. Find out their name.
• Wear tinfoil over your head to stop mutie thought control.

But the best thing you can do is join one of our projects! The Knights of Genetic Purity, Citizens for a Mutant-Free Tomorrow, the Anti-Mutant Advisory Project, or even Project Pyroxidine! We need your talents to stop the muties from taking over!!!

We need your credits! The recent tax on exclamation points by mandate TMCP 730.88/j has severely cut into our pockets! It's another mutant plot!!! Please donate your credits to this worthy cause so we may continue to show our outrage, anger, and intensity through the typed and written word!!!